Massive Decision.

 Hi,

This is my very first entry on this blog. My own blog, my own headspace. 

A little bit about me; I am 25 years old, officially turning 26 in 3 months. I am from east coast Malaysia. I was a bright student at school, although my beginnings were a bit rough. I scored 5A's for UPSR, 11A's for PT3, and 8A1B for SPM; AddMath being the culprit behind the shortfall. I studied English at a local university, and am now working in a corporate sector in the southern region. 

Recently, I made one of, if not the biggest decision in my life. I had just turned down a government role, to be specific a teaching role, at a secondary school, just 20 minutes from my mother's house. It was a difficult period; I was disraught, scared, and honestly, depressed for a whole week when I was asked to make that call. 

Post-SPM, I was adamant on becoming a teacher. I had gone to do Foundation in TESL, and I finished with first class. When I applied to study for a bachelor in teaching, I was rejected, due to failing the MEDSI test, which broke me quite a bit, but I quick consoled myself to study English for Professional Comms for bachelor's degree. Things went okay, I guess, I got first class, and graduated successfully in 2022. 

I went into a Protege programme in Nov 2022, and got into the executive role in Nov 2023, at the prestigious, state-owned, GLC, oil & gas company. I was a brand & communications executive, a role I throughly enjoyed, even now. I have made it. I was 23 and I earned RM5,000 at that time. Earning 5K a month, living with my mom, and finally bought a car. I was proud of myself, and everyone was proud of me too. Honestly, looking back, I feel super lucky about the entire thing, but that's a story for another day.

Fast forward to one and a half year later, shit happened. A 'polycrisis' caused by a state in the East Malaysia had prompted the company to pull the trigger. I was among the 5,000 contract staff (roughly) retrenched by the company, that's almost 10% of the whole workforce. I was compensated handsomely, and earned almost 4 month's worth of my salary at the time, which I later used for my marriage. That's also a story for another day.

Long story short, I now work as an executive in communication & engagement, at a private higher education institution, a local branch campus of a UK university in London. I had just recently climbed my way up from RM 4,000 salary to RM 5,000 in a span of a year (yes, I took a paycut moving from home). 

Prologue done, let's move to the current topic. About that teacher offer. When I applied for the role, I was in an weird phase. I had just moved out, was living alone in a small room (rent), having an LDR with the missus, and was earning RM 3,400 nett (my commitment was RM 2500). Considering for the teacher role was only natural. If I get the role, I will earn less, but not that far from 3,400. My peers from degree... some of them, are already teaching, and they seemed to be doing fine. I can be placed anywhere but that's a thought for another day. So, no harm in trying, right?

I went to the interview and I smashed it. I was cooking. No shit. 10 other candidates in the room, I crowned myself No. 1. Not the ranking that they gave, but I did. I told myself, they would have to make a serious mistake if I did not get selected. With the experience & fluency that I had, the interview was a breeze. I drove back home whilst listening to 'Kami Guru Malaysia' song on repeat, just because of how confident I was about the whole thing.

I received the offer on 4 June 2026. "TAWARAN PELANTIKAN PEGAWAI PERKHIDMATAN PENDIDIKAN GRED DG9 (CONTRACT OF SERVICE) OPSYEN BAHASA INGGERIS", the letter read. I would be placed at a local secondary school in my hometown, just 20 minutes away from my mother's house. I was happy, and then I was not. The letter stated that I would have to report for duty on the 10th, just six days away. I don't want to get into details of my whole thought process, because honestly, I want to forget about it badly . I will not force myself to relive the whole experience. 

Nonetheless, here's my breakdown of the cons & pros of accepting the offer;

Teacher

Current Role

Pros: 1. Finally live together with the wife, near to my mother, who is single and has no transportation to move around.* 2. Get to actually apply what I learned during degree.  3. Long leaves.* 4. Guaranteed salary growth. 5. Low housing loan rate, and easy approval.* 6. Well-respected in the local community. 7. Continuous amal jariah. 8. I get to work with kids, I can be the cool, layback teacher. 9. Government health benefits which covers the whole family. 10. Settle down early and build my ideal family. 11. Lots of activities/events. 12. Pengisian nilai rohani (tadarus, bacaan yaasiin mingguan, solat berjemaah)* _____________________________________ Cons: 1. Government no longer offer pensions to new recruits.  2. Slow salary growth (my basic salary will be RM 5,000 in another 5 years time).* 3. Low starting salary (starting RM 3200, RM 2900 nett). 4. I don't get to invest monthly in ASB/KWSP as much. 5. No claims. 6. Will most likely be doing the same thing for next 30 years (least attractive).* 7. Having to balance between priotising my wife and my mother (it's messy).* 8. I don't know if I will be good at it. 9. I don't challenge myself anymore, I don't want to be average.* * Most & least attractive

Pros: 1. Opportunity for growth.* 2. High salary, will likely reach 5,500 next year (Aamiin to that). 3. I get to invest RM 2,000 monthly (ASB & KWSP combined)*  4. I spend less, and save more. 5. My wife would eventually move in here and earned higher than now. 6. 30 days leave (quite high in private sector). 7. WFH flexibility (I have not used this yet). 8. I get to give more to my family. 9. I get to travel more, either work or casual retreats every now & then.* 10. I am good at what I am doing.* 11. Great health benefits, I don't have my own medical card. _____________________________________ Cons: 1. Away from the wife. Will likely struggle to take care of my mother.* 2. Loneliness, a whole lot of. Sometimes, I feel depressed, like right now.* 3. I get bored at work, sometimes I feel I undercontribute but it's whatever, dude. 4. Imposter syndrome always creeps in. 5. No certainty in career, anything can happen. 6. I don't want to live here forever.* 7. Have to drive home every week to see the wife. That sucks as fuck. 8. Sometimes, I missed out important details, which cause me trouble at work.

The decision that I had made, declining the offer, was mostly driven by financial reasons, and to give myself an opportunity to be someone 'successful' in the next five years. Everyone has their own vision or picture of success. For now, here is my ideal image of sucess, and what I wish to achieve by 30+:

• A manager role in communications role, preferably at a GLC company.
• Lives together with the wife.
• Earns RM 7,000+.
• Have RM 100,000 in investment.
• Drives a Mazda. A cafe racer for weekend getaways.
• Able to build a house for my mom, cash.

I have met a number of people telling me that I have huge potential to go far. Even now, I feel like I have been average, especially after leaving the previous company. I am just a communication executive, doing minimum work. It gets busy, but only for like 4 times a year, when I was handling open days. On normal days, business as usual. I get in at 9:00, take photos, post on instagram, design posters, reply to e-mails, send out weekly minutes of meeting, review merchandises and do part-time duties as librarian at night. Sometimes, I leave at 6:00, sometimes at 10:00. Honestly, comparing to what I was doing at the previous company, I feel like I am doing less now. I think less, and get paid the same, sometimes more with OT. What other values do I offer now? What potential did people see in me? What interesting projects can I execute in my current role? What success stories I can be proud of? How long will I feel like this?

Only 'time' will tell.

Funny how my name literally means 'time' in Arabic, but I feel like I'm always out of time. I am only 25, but I feel like I want my life to move fast, as if I don't enjoy it enough. I want to move fast, make money fast, get settled in fast. Another thing about me is I feel like I'm always in a competition. I compete with people. I feel like I always have to be in the front row. Maybe my academic achievements have done serious damage to my perception of life. People can say "Life is not a competetion" or "Your competitor is always your own self", but MF, what is the goal then? How can I not look at other more successful people and be alright with it?

"Why should I be average?"

If I die today, I want to leave something behind. A mark, that proved that I actually achieved something. It can be anything; continuous recognition, assets, or investments for my loved ones.

Coming to the end of this blog, I also asked myself; "What's wrong in being average?". No one cares if I had made it or not, if I'm 'successul' or not. Only me. What if the decision to decline the offer was a mistake? What if I'm actually not as good as I thought? What if I actually enjoy being a teacher and help others to be successful in their lifes?

So, I'm giving myself a chance. Here's the deal; I hustle for the next two years. See where my career leads me and decide again. Why two years? Well, since I declined the offer, I am banned from applying for the teaching role for the next two years. By then, I will have over RM 100K in investment (50 in ASB, 50 in KWSP), and I can afford to downgrade my salary again, and have back ups. It will take me another 5 years, or rougly until I am 32 years old to achieve RM 5,000 again. HAHAHA, honestly, the stake is mad. 

As I wrap up this blog (which took me around 3 hours to write), I have to learn to live with my decision for the next two years; it can either go great, or go south. I know I am in a great position right now, to grow more and earn more and see what life has planned for me. Every 2-3 years, I will be forced (by the great power of nature, read "God") to make a life-changing decision, such as this one. It's almost expected at this stage of life. 

I can always start again. People can always start again. It's never late to start again. 

For now, I will continue to do my duties, go home every month, and save as much every month. Rinse and repeat, baby. 

I pray that one day, Allah will guide me and tell me "This is it, this is what is best for you".